These Advice given by A Dad That Rescued Me when I became a First-Time Father

"I believe I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

However the truth rapidly proved to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The duty of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a healthy space. You require assistance. In what way can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a broader failure to open up between men, who still internalise damaging ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a show of failure to seek help. I failed to do that fast enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the chance to ask for a break - going on a couple of days away, away from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He realised he had to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has changed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to better grasp the language of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible actions" when younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Managing as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, speak to a family member, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the activities that helped you to feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - eating well, physical activity and when you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - sharing their journeys, the difficult parts, along with the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Know that asking for help does not mean you've failed - prioritising yourself is the best way you can care for your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the security and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the feelings in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their issues, changed how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, sometimes I believe my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning an equal amount as you are through this experience."